9 weeks

So, I am thinking that it is probably normal to second guess yourself after loosing a baby. Did I do something wrong? Could I have changed the outlook? For me, the question has been, What if I realized I was leaking amniotic fluid sooner? Could I have been on antibiotics and held on a little longer? I was reading in my new pregnancy book that babies at 23 weeks can survive and babies at 24 weeks have a 50- 50 chance of growing into a healthy child. Trevee was born at 22 weeks. I was so close. I know that Trevee was not supposed to come to this Earth at this time, but I am sad. I feel like I could have done more. I am sure this has to do with my crazy, pregnant lady hormones, but I still wonder. I was just so close. I hope I can be observant enough this pregnancy to know if something happens. I was taking the doctors words as threats (Words like "early bedrest" and "early hospitalization"), but my friend told me that he was reassuring me. He wants to be very proactive and get me a healthy baby. I am really excited to go along with my nerves and fears. I saw my little lima bean in ultrasound yesterday. He or She knows that they are already loved. I worry about the bond. I did not really bond with Trevee and I know now that Heavenly Father was helping me to cope with what he knew was coming. I really want to bond with this little guy or girl. Everything will go great!! I need to remind myself of this point daily. What is supposed to happen will. I have faith in that:)

Pretty fat for 8 Weeks!!

(I took the pic last week!)