Sunday, June 7, 2009
It is hard not to feel dorky when you tear up at the drop of a hat. I feel like I am on the verge of crying about half of the time. I am very happy, but I feel like if I cry and let it out, I will completely loose it. I want to cry when I see the temple or think about the eternal spectrum of life. I cry when I think that people are pregnant and having babies and I will never do that again. I am so happy and content with my 3 beautiful children as well as my 2 perfect angels, but when I think about eternity, I am so humbled. I hope I can be good enough to make it to be with my angels. I know I have a little cheerleading section in heaven rooting for me. When I think of eternity, I feel like every little decision I make now is so important... How I raise my children, How I show love to my Fabulous husband. How I befriend people and share the gospel. These things are so important to me. I only hope I can be good enough at them here on Earth to earn the blessings in Heaven. I miss being pregnant. I miss the dorky little pregnancy count down clicker on the side of my blog. I miss Journee and Trevee, but I have so many things to be happy about as well. The song "I should have been a cowboy" was on the radio and Oaklee asked, "Dad, why does that boy want to be a cowboy?" Jaxson was going down for a nap and told the babysitter, "I only get water in my bottle. The dentist said NO MORE MILK!!". Charlee read 3 books with me today and did 4 timed addition tests. She loves to learn and she loves when I praise her for being so smart. She gives the best hugs and kisses, too. Brian took care of me all week without question or eye rolling. He loves me and I love him. He is truly my best friend (BFF). I have so much that I am thankful for... The tears just remind me of these things sometimes. :)
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4 comments:
It's good to let it out sometimes. so cry on, cry on! Luv you!
I'm going to share my little Ah-Ha moment with you...I asked myself yesterday morning why I cut myself off from Heavenly Father. The answer was because I look at my life and think of it as such a failure and myself as a failure/quitter...etc. Then it came during testimony meeting. I found a bookmark in my scriptures that I bought on my mission that is a poem titled "I Will Not Fail Thee." The end of the poem states with Christ speaking, "I will not forget thee, I will not fail thee, and then you were born." And it hit me, as long as I am striving to live the gospel and keep the commandments, I can't fail. Christ didn't fail and so I can't fail because the Plan is perfect. I can't fail Him, or Heavenly Father or myself for that matter. All I have to do is strive. So I have no doubts that you will be more than worthy to raise those beautiful daughters of yours and have the blessing of eternity...because you are a fighter and a striver!
Cry it up! It's okay! You are remembering how blessed you are and trying so hard to be brave. There is a time for crying and there's a time for rejoicing. Give yourself a time to mourn the losses and then close that door and move on! Love you.
I love how you refer to your girls as your little cheerleading section. that makes me smile.
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