Thinking of my angel.

So, Yesterday was our "Goal Date" for Trevee's birth. Her actual due date was December 31st, but the 3rd would have been about my limit. Oaklee was born at 35 weeks and weighed 7 pounds. Charlee and Jaxson were both born at 36 weeks via C-Section and weighed 7.7 and 7.14. I always go early, but 22 weeks was not enough. I am sad because I want a baby. I realized that I don't even want Trevee necessarily. I know where she is and I know she is good and I know I will see her again, but I still want a baby. Brian said that I have been building this day up since she was born. I have been worrying and praying I would be pregnant by now so I would not have to deal with the pain. Monday was tough for me. I wanted to go and cry somewhere. I did. I let myself be sad. I was a little less sad on Tuesday, but still not quite myself. Wednesday brought a new wave of emotions, but not as sad. I think the pain is easing. I like to read and watch movies (I have seen Twilight 5 times) to keep my mind off of it. When I stop and think about my feelings, I am still soooo sad. I am not writing this for people to feel bad for me. I think it important for me to share my feelings for my own healing purposes. I pray that no one I know will have to go through this, but if they ever did, I hope they could see that they are not alone in their pain. I am so grateful to Nancy because she has been here before... Twice!! I called her crying and told her to tell me, "You are right. This sucks. This is not fair. Everything is NOT OK!!" I needed to hear it. I felt that way and she told me those words and I felt a little better not pretending to be okay. I know this will pass and I will be normal again soon, but for now, I am trying. I think this is all I can really do right now.:)