Introducing the ramblings of Scottee's mind!!
I was talking to my cute sister in law, Allison, the other day. She is due any day (Come out Baby!!). I love her. I love my friend Dawn who is due in January. I love them, but not all pregnant women make me feel love!! I know, this sounds so bad. I don't know what stage of grief I am in, but if jealous was a stage, I would be there. I can't wait to be pregnant again. Not because I am looking to replace Trevee in any way, but because I need a "Bandaid". When my other sister in law, Nancy, was pregnant with twins, Baylee kinked her cord at 30 weeks and died. Brinlee came out a few weeks later and is a happy, crazy, two year old now. Brinlee was Nancy's bandaid. I want one, too. I am happy. I am sad. I don't know what I am most days. I think I run on medium high most days. If someone asks me how I am doing I am happy they care, but then I have to think about me and I am not good at that right now. I like to focus on the posters for the Fall BBQ (tonight, by the way), or Thanksgiving, or Rich and Treslee's upcoming wedding, or reading the Twilight series over and over again, or ANYTHING ELSE!! Anything but me because when I think about me, I get sad. It is amazing the emotions I go through. When I was a couple months pregnant, my cut doctor put me on antidepressants so I would not kill my kids (I am joking about the killing kids part). At first, I said no, but as I got grouchier, I figured if it made me a better mom, then I should take them. I love my "Happy Pills". They make me take things more in stride. I can not imagine doing through this without something to take the edge off. I know it is taboo to admit to taking happy pills, but if I had diabetes, I would not be scared to be on insulin. Okay, I have rambled enough for one day. I want everyone to know I am dealing... as best as I know how. I am so grateful for all the support and love I get from my fellow bloggies:).
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6 comments:
It's SO normal. I still have a really hard time being around pregnant women. I'm happy for them but just SO sad for me. Christmas Day was her due date. How hard will THAT day be, huh? I'm thinking about you...as always!
I don't think it is taboo to let people know you are on "happy pills". If they help take the edge off then keep it up
It's difficult to pull out of the deep sorrows of life trials. I had a therapist once tell me...Give yourself 15-20 minutes everyday to be as sad as you want. Then, after this time, take a deep breath and try to move forward with the rest of the day. After a while you'll start needing less and less time.
This really helped me because it gave me permission to feel what I needed to feel.
So, I would put the kids in another room...take a shower or lay on my bed and cry.
Now THESE are the ramblings of Anya's mind!! Keep up the good work. You're great!
I love you, Scottee! You can "deal" any way you want to. I also totally understand your ramblings so keep it up.
These are nice bloggies! I think Anya's suggestion is very smart. I know I tend to sweep things (my feelings) under the rug, so to speak, and NOT deal. So way to deal!
I love to read you ramblings, too. We all love you Scottee. and you'll get your "bandaid" in time. just remember, His time is not our time. But it'll come. Heavenly Father is always teaching us patience.
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