Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Thinking of my angel.

People keep telling me I will have good and bad days. Nancy was saying that 5 years later, she still has her bad days. I think most of my days are good. I haven't cried about Trevee for a while. I guess I just get sad that she isn't going to experience the fun things with us. I won't be able to write the bad or funny things she does and says for all to read. She is perfect. She is happy. She is fulfilling her destiny. These are things I tell myself daily. I am happy for these things and they usually bring me comfort. Amazingly, I think about her less and less each day. I love her and I used to think about nothing but her, but I think she is helping me find the joy in my other kids from the other side. She has taught me that I need to cherish whatever I can get. Some people don't get ultrasounds because they want to be surprised. I think this is fine for some, but for me, I want to know everything about that baby every chance I get. Ultrasounds were the only time I got to see Trevee kick or punch or roll over. That is all I get to see. I can't imagine not having that. I guess today I am just thinking of my angel.
I found this on lds.org. Talk about comforting!!

On the subject of the resurrection of stillborn children, President Joseph Fielding Smith wrote: “There is no information given by revelation in regard to the status of stillborn children. However, I will express my personal opinion that we should have hope that these little ones will receive a resurrection and then belong to us. I cannot help feeling that this will be the case” (Doctrines of Salvation, comp. Bruce R. McConkie, 3 vols., [1954–56], 2:280).

5 comments:

Becky said...

I still have my good and bad days too. So hard because our hearts ache for these children - aching to hold them and to see them grow. I know just how you feel...

Allison Barry said...

I am so glad you got to see her moving around on the ultrasounds and hear her heartbeat. Like you said, those are now cherished memories you have of her.

Rebecca Carter said...

Hi Scottee,

I don't know if you will even remember me. My name is Rebecca Carter (my last name was Palmer when I lived in Arizona). Your aunt Jann Rich will remember me; I lived in the Greenway ward. Also, the last time I saw your mom we were both at the Mesa cannery.

Today I had some free time and I was looking at all of the adorable blogs that are out on the internet; many of them from younger moms, like yourself. I started with my friend, Darla Colton's blog and went from one to the next and ended up here at your's. You have a beautiful family and you look great!

My heart goes out to you for the loss of your little baby girl. I had a stillborn baby boy clear back in 1980. Scottee, with all my heart I know that we will raise those beautiful babies in the millenium. It's o.k. to cry your heart out. I did. Time softened the aches and sorrows for me and I hope that it will for you, too.

Please tell your mom hi for me. I'm happy that you live close to her. She's a great lady and I always enjoyed being around her.

Sincerely, With Love,

Rebecca (Palmer) Carter

Cheryl said...

I still think about my little stillborn baby BOY from time to time. Time does heal. I was grateful for the quote from Bruce R McConkie. Very comforting!

Nancy Page said...

I love the comfort that the gospel brings. We are so very blessed to have this great knowledge in our lives.